neil-gaiman:

ebookporn:

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out – we don’t serve your type.”

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar – fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony


- Jill Thomas Doyle

A zeugma walked into a bar, my life and trouble.

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Created: Sat, 19 Aug 2023, 02:47PM
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neil! I always see pictures of you wearing a black shirt, black skinny jeans, and a black overcoat. is this your daily attire? why? (not judging, just curious)

piranesiandtheother

neil-gaiman:

My daily attire is a bright red coat, a green tee shirt and yellow trousers. They just show up black in photos.

Ha! I joke with you amusingly.

It is indeed my daily attire. It keeps the elements at bay and gives me a place to put my keys, stops me being arrested on charges of public nudity and so much more.

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Created: Thu, 17 Aug 2023, 02:19PM
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gayfertilitygoddess:

Michael: Gabriel, Supreme Archangel. You have refused to exercise your celestial authority and you are henceforth removed from office.

Gabriel, scrolling through nudes to send to Beelzebub: oh no, don’t…

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Created: Thu, 17 Aug 2023, 02:18PM
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biceratops7:

alivedean:

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aziraphale + text posts
bonus:

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All of these are so fucking funny for no reason

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Created: Thu, 17 Aug 2023, 02:15PM
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Hello! Do you happen to know which nebula it is in the background of the first scene of s2? I wasn’t sure if anyone had identified it or if I should start trying to match it up with some NASA pics…

If no one has identified it, do you have any nice clear images of it?

moyaofthemist

fuckyeahgoodomens:

Hiya! :)

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These are the Pillars of Creation in the Eagle Nebula in the Serpens constellation,

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Created: Thu, 17 Aug 2023, 02:14PM
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zarnzarn:

wait wait wait WAIT DID GABRIEL EVER REALIZE WHO BILDAD THE SHUHITE WAS AFTER FINDING OUT ABT CROWLEY OR WAS IT-

Gabriel, waking up in a cold sweat thousands of years later on alpha centauri after being jim: that was not bildad.

Beezlebub: what in fuck’s name-

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Created: Thu, 17 Aug 2023, 02:12PM
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eternalgirlscout:

a lot of human au good omens fics justify aziraphale having a fucking weird name in-text by saying he comes from a super religious family, which works if that’s the angle you want to explore, but apparently terry pratchett made the name up completely to Sound Angely and with that in mind i think we’re ignoring a much funnier option for fanfiction purposes

the meme image of a blonde white expectant mother beside a chalkboard where several weird baby name options have been crossed off and one circled, but the circled name is replaced with "Aziraphale"ALT
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Created: Thu, 17 Aug 2023, 02:11PM
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t41nt3d-l0v3:

the signs they have in hell in good omens r so silly

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(via neil-gaiman)

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Created: Thu, 17 Aug 2023, 02:09PM
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shoemakerobstetrician:

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Season 3 Opening Scene Theory

So, season 2 opened with a flashback that had us totally reevaluating Aziraphale’s and Crowley’s relationship. I think the same will be true of season 3.

I think we will return to the night in 1941, to find out that they kissed, danced, or more that night.

1 - Why are they sitting at a table in the bookshop just drinking, no food on the table? When they’re drinking they don’t use a table. I think it’s to clue us in that there is more to the scene than what we are seeing - at some point before or after they had dinner.

2 - We know that Aziraphale did the apology dance in 1941 - again an indication that there is probably more to that evening than what we have seen so far.

3 - When Crowley says ‘no nightingales’ in S2E6 we now think he’s referring to the scene at the end of S1E6 in the Ritz, but it does seem a bit of a reach. It was a very nice moment, but I don’t think a relationship defining one that would cause both of them to think of it as their song.

4 - A Nightingale Sang was released in 1940, first charting at the end of December 1940. It would have been a hit in 1941 (according to Wikipedia it got up to #2).

5 - I think they had dinner, they danced, or perhaps even kissed to Nightingale as it was playing on the radio, and it became their song in a much more significant moment in 1941.

6 - When Aziraphale says to Crowley “Perhaps one day we could…dine at the Ritz” after “You go too fast for me Crowley” he would then be directly referring to their song from 1941.

7 - When it plays at the Ritz at the end of season 1, it’s because the pianist finds themselves mysteriously compelled to perform it, like the bus driver taking them to London.

8 - And finally, when Crowley says “no nightingales” at the end of S2 it is just devastating, it’s him saying there is no us.

And another thing: in the lyrics to Nightingale: That Certain night, the night we met/There was MAGIC abroad in the air. 😁

I very much like this idea, it probably won’t happen. Maybe someone will write a fanfic at least.

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Created: Wed, 16 Aug 2023, 05:24PM
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muyenbroma:

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jesús maría y josé

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Created: Mon, 14 Aug 2023, 03:54AM
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